Saving My baby's Life. What did I do wrong??...nothing...

Staring at the back of an ambulance door as we rode in dark silence, cheeks tear stained and eyes threatening to erupt again... my 32-hour old daughter lay in an incubator inside. I was 15 feet from her but could not see her or touch her. I was desperate and helpless. All I could think was what did I do wrong? The list ran through my head at a hundred miles per hour. The second I found out I was pregnant I cut out alcohol, took plant based prenatal vitamins with nothing synthetic in them, took extra DHA from a very pure source for baby's brain health, kept away from antibacterial products with triclosan in them, did away with shampoos and conditioners with parabens and sulfates, changed to all-natural house cleaning products, used organic almond oil as body lotion and makeup remover, ate organic produce whenever possible, drank chlorophyll coupled with Vitamin C sources to boost my iron levels naturally, walked and did mild exercise to help with blood flow, stopped when I had cramps and listened to my body to not push it too hard, stayed hydrated, stayed out of the sun, exfoliated my skin regularly, listened to meditation tapes at night to relax, got sufficient amounts of protein and sought the help of a midwife to be fully engaged in my care after having a less than ideal experience with a general OBGYN (this is where I say some OB's are WONDERFUl and I give them a lot of credit - I happen to not encounter that in my first trimester). I had even bought deli turkey meat one day and then remembered I probably shouldn't have it so I gave it to a stray cat. I had tuned everyone out who thought I should be induced after going over my due date. Sticking to my guns about waiting for my child to come on her own as long as there was no medical indication to deem otherwise. I had biophysicals done every few days after my due date came and went just to be sure the placenta was still hospitable and my baby was doing well.

My beautiful daughter was born at 7 lbs 8 oz, 20.5 inches long, 18 days after the "doctors determined due date"  and more than 39 hours of excruciating, knee-weakening labor later (more on inaccurate due dates in another article). No complications seemed present at birth. The first 24 hours were a hazy bliss of happy and raw emotions. I couldn't believe I had anything to do with the creation of this precious creature. Forcing myself to close my exhausted eyes was torture because it meant I had to take them off of her. I was IN LOVE...in the best kind of way. Watching her daddy fall head over heels made my heart ache it was so sweet. We were a perfect little family about to head home to start our life together and get to know our daughter, Makayla.

...But that isn't how our first weeks of her life played out. Instead of the nurse coming to tell use we were being discharged  to snuggle with our baby in the comfort of our own home- she walked in with a box of tissues and a woman who introduced herself as a cardiologist. WHAT?! Why at 8pm on Friday night instead of being sent home was I standing there watching a cardiologist sketch out her explanation of the heart defect they just discovered our daughter had. Why was I being told that the infant transport team was already on their way to get her and that I was being asked to sign over permission for them to rush her to St Joe's Children's Pediatric Cardiac ICU for "life saving medication" to be administered. In that very moment my heart shattered into a million fragile pieces. I watched those pieces hit the floor along with my burning tears and dreams of what I thought the first few days of a parent should be like. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop from shaking, I couldn't think of anything other than get me to my baby and get us all in the hands of the best care possible. In that moment, I realized if I could take her place I would, if I could do anything to save her I would stop at nothing. My desire to fix any ailment and take away any pain ruled over all other thinking.

These paragraphs are emotionally taxing enough to rehash still (It has only been 10 weeks since her birth) so for now I think I will spare the details for the next 15 days of her hospital stay, living out of a hotel and holding vigil by her bedside 20-24 hours a day and give you the much briefer version. Our daughter had successful open heart surgery at 6 days old to repair a coarctation of her aorta and had a cadaver graft to widen her arch.

What is the entire point of me sharing my story? I want people to know you OWE your child every fighting chance they can possibly have with how you treat them in utero. WE can't control congenital defects but we can create the most nourishing and hospitable environment possible for your baby to thrive while she is inside you.

If you are a parent who has ever had your child sick or injured I don't have to tell you time stops until they are healed. You think about nothing else but their well-being and how to expedite the process. You are skeptical of anyone who is supposed to be treating them and you all but fall asleep standing up because you won't leave their side. You tune out phone calls, emails, text messages and simply anything that doesn't pertain directly to helping your child. And you won't make apologies for being any other way. I went right from giving birth to standing hours a day or sitting on hard chairs, not sleeping, not eating enough and just simply not recovering well. I was getting sick and rundown. While in my heart  and in my professional training I knew I had to keep up my own strength and recovery, but initially it simply took a back seat to making sure I was with my daughter. When I started to get really run down I was reminded that my daughter needed me to be strong for when she came home and if I got sick I couldn't be near her in the hospital. So I refocused on healthy eating, hydration, supplementation and a little more napping - but in the hospital room with her where we both dozed off to sounds of the rain forest or Mozart's lullaby's :).

It dawned on me that while my daughters congenital heart defect was most likely unavoidable and not a result of anything I did or didn't do; that because my pregnancy was so healthy I gave her the strongest fighting chance to recover. That awakening has made me very feisty about helping moms-to-be treat themselves and their fetus with great respect and truly doing the most we can do while pregnant to give our children the healthiest start to this life. My absolute biggest pet peeve other than obese children is pregnant women who eat like crap and gain massive amounts of weight. YOU ARE HARMING YOUR CHILD...PERIOD.

IT DOES MATTER...

WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY (food/drink/medications)
WHAT YOU PUT ON YOUR BODY
HOW ACTIVE OR INACTIVE YOU ARE
WHAT KIND OF CARE YOU RECEIVE
WHAT SUPPLEMENTS YOU DO OR DO NOT TAKE
THE AMOUNT OF REST/SLEEP YOU GET
HOW HEALTHY YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE
HOW CARED FOR AND SUPPORTED YOU FEEL

I urge you, moms-to-be and those who know pregnant women to learn as much as you can about what will make your (their) pregnancy most healthy for you (them). It is my hope through this blog that you will at least begin to take action and find what works well for you. You should always discuss food, fitness and supplementation with your care provider as I am NOT a doctor. I only take what I know through my nutrition schooling, 12 years in practice, being a new mom myself and feedback from other moms.  

I am thrilled to report that Makayla is home and doing wonderfully! She will have periodic check-ups with her cardiologist for the rest of her life, but will be able to be active and normal like other children. She will be our ultimate experiment in raising a child in a healthy lifestyle. She can never afford to have high cholesterol or high blood pressure, and I will see to it she understands what it all means so she can live happy and healthy. It will never be about what she can't have or can't do it will  always be about all the wonderful things she can do and the wonderful whole foods she can have! Life is about attitude, action and perspective. When all of those things move in a positive direction you live the life you desire. Health is a privilege and if you don't treat it with respect and value what you can do for yourself and your child every day, then I am sorry to hear you are missing the boat. You are not setting your child up for success in life and isn't that the basic job of EVERY parent?? Food for thought...